On a moonless night in the cool of May
Two killer peas dressed in mod and split their pod
They had attitude and were more than rude
Two bad peas who rolled downtown and into a bar
Two legumes on a path to ruin
They pushed around the cabbages who were just playing pool
Spilled the broccoli's beer and tipped his stool
They were tough and intimidating peas out looking for a fight
That was their style of fun on a Friday night
But they pressed their luck
When they picked on a carrot named Red
Red was humble and well liked in the bar
Never caused any trouble though he easily could
He was a giant of a carrot with thick roots and all
Generous with a joke and played a mean eight ball
But he had one flaw like most things do
Red hated the tag of a colour that didn't rhyme
Made it clear not to call him that a second time
Everyone knew and never said the word
It didn't rhyme so nothing close was even heard
But killer peas who are looking for trouble
Know how to find it and twist it double
Red was an easy target
He had the biggest smile for miles
And the most gentle manner as all carrots do
But two bad peas rolled up to the challenge and made fun of his hair
They accused his mum of having relations with a parsnip
Then they called him orange
Like just before a storm when things are too warm
Red was slow to turn but fast to anger when he faced those two peas
He would have accepted an apology
But that's not the way of killer peas
One pea pulled a knife and it was a fight for life
Red fought fair but he lost most of his hair
And was badly peeled in two places
When the fight was over and he staggered to his roots
There were two dead peas in a room of mutes
It was quite absurd but no one said a word
While the lettuce and the leeks carried Red back to his yard
Radishes cleared the evidence
It wasn't hard
Two green stains on the floor in a bar
Two killer peas who only made it that far
The final straw was the last to leave
Walked away and returned to his sheaf
On a Friday night at a bar room fight
No one ever told how two killer peas died
Rumour was it could have been stew
Either way it was bad for those two
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